ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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