I think my fart just growled at me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
