Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
