I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
