we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
