thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
