I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
