Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I believe in your delicious
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
