im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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