as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think people are normalizing furries
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
