Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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