Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
