He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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