i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
