were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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