Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
