plz talk dirty to me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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