We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
