i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
