some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
