i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
