My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
