My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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