I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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