why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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