I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize