My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
