Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
