his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
