My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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