I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
