the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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