Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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