please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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