A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
