So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
