I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
