don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
