Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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