JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
