I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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