So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
