he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
