we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
