I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
