Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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