i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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