i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
