I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
