Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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