You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
