There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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