Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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