break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
