I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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