I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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