The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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