Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my being single is dangerous.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
