its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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