just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize