mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
