The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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