You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
