I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize