She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
