If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize