Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
