I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
