I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
this hospital has no fireball
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
