Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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