There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize