I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's always time for handjobs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
