i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
