Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
