I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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