playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize