He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
