you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
