I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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