Quick, to the slutcave!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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