Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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