I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
