barbara walters just said penis...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am available for nakedness
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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