I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
