I could make wine with my vomit
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
