the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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