i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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