Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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