u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
