Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
